Rules of the Stark Tower
by That Creative One
Summary: Tony, Steve, Bruce, Clint, and Natasha all live together, so things can get rather...complicated at times. Hopefully a rules list will sort it out...hopefully. Unfortunately, there always seems to be someone out to break the rules or cause mischief...
1. Chapter 1

RULES OF THE STARK TOWER: 

Making bird puns around Clint stopped being funny around the 38th time. Quit making bird puns around him.

Tony is not a germaphobe. Quit calling him one. And quit pretending to be sick around him.

Dumping spaghetti sauce on your head and speaking in a Russian accent is not a good impression of Natasha and is not funny.

Anyone who takes Clint's bow may or may not wake up the next morning.

Do not steal the last poptart.

Steve's suit is not a costume, quit pretending it is.

No buying Bruce green clothing as it is mocking and offensive.

Simply because Clint refuses to wear a jacket does not give anyone permission to throw snowballs at him.

Anyone who fails to comply with these rules will have to deal with the consequences.

Anyone can add to this list.

TBC

Meh. Okay start…So, this was inspired by a Les Miserables fan fiction called House Rules, where all the nine Amis live together and, have some complications. Hopefully a list of rules can sort it out :) In their dreams. But anyways, I hope you have fun with this- and, spoiler!~The list is not complete yet. Even though it's just the list, please R&R! Suggestions for the list are welcome, and I will give anyone whose suggestions I use credit. Thanks! (Btw: This takes place in the winter!)


	2. Chapter 2

**A)** **Making bird puns around Clint stopped being funny around the 38****th**** time. Quit making bird puns around him. **

"Hey, Hawk." Natasha greeted her partner as Clint walked out of the elevator and into the large kitchen, where the other Avengers were sitting, having lunch. It was a rare occasion- no one was fighting, or missing, or injured or otherwise- it was simply a calm lunch. Clint walked into his room to carefully re-place his bow and quiver of arrows before joining the others at the table. "How'd training go?" she asked.

Clint looked rather put-down as he took a seat next to Natasha. "Not great," he said. "I lost a match."

"That is most disappointing, my friend. But don't let one defeat get the best of you," Thor said in his voice that filled the room. "There will be many more battles to fight in the future."

"Yeah, defeats are hard to _swallow._" Tony said, putting emphasis on the word _swallow. _

Clint looked at Tony and raised an eyebrow. "Did you just make a bird pun at me?" He asked disdainfully. Everyone else snickered.

"What? No, I didn't mean to _ruffle your feathers_ or anything." Tony said innocently before taking another bite of his sandwich. Thor and Steve laughed and Natasha suppressed a smile.

"Okay, that one wasn't even funny." Clint said, sounding rather annoyed.

"Oh, come on, Clint. Give it a _nest,_" Natasha nudged Clint with her elbow. Clint looked at her incredulously.

"You're teaming up with him?!" He exclaimed. Steve put his head in his hands, like, _What am I going to do with these people? _

"Well, this is _hawkward." _Tony said, and everyone else burst out laughing. Spurred on by the mirth, Tony said, "Apparently _toucan _play at this game!" Laugher erupted from everyone except Clint.

"Can we please not turn this into a pun war?" Clint begged, but no one seemed to hear him.

"You have a real _TALON_t for these puns!"

"Oh that was absolutely ho_WREN_dous!"

"_Fowl _play!"

"ALRIGHT, THAT'S IT." Clint exclaimed, standing up and grabbing a piece of paper from an adjacent drawer. Along with a pencil, he scribbled something down on the paper and stuck it to the fridge. He then sat down to finish eating.

Everyone got up to read whatever Hawk had posted. After a moment, Tony turned to face Clint. "Seriously Barton? 'House Rules'? This isn't even your home!" he said incredulously.

"Yeah." Clint said between bites. "Anyone can add to it. Anyone who violates it deals with the consequence."

Tony rolled his eyes. "What might that be?"

Clint raised an eyebrow. "Depends. The person whose rule gets broken gets to choose."

Tony rolled his eyes again. "You've got this all figured out, don't you?" He said, going to sit back down.

"I think it would be helpful," Bruce said, sitting as well. "It should help keep everyone in line."

And that is how the Rules of the Stark Tower was born.

TBC! Please R&R! All puns courtesy of Ramber-ling's blog.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: One review so far. Not a ton, but in all fairness, I'm the kind of person who gets excited over one review :3 So thank you, Madame Tango, for reviewing. The thing is- your reviews=faster updates. AND REVIEWS ARE MAGICAL SO PLEASE REVIEW. Enough of my ranting, however. Time for more assorted craziness. This story may start out like a crude sketch, but hopefully by the end it will be a glorious painting. I suck at metaphors, have you noticed? Thanks for reading :3

CHAPTER 3

**2) Tony is not a germaphobe. Quit calling him one. And quit pretending to be sick around him. **

Pepper walked into Tony's lab, where he was bent over yet another project. She wrinkled her nose at the overpowering stench of engine oil and smoke that had become the trademark scent of the lab over the years, and Pepper had yet to adapt to it. "You really have to clean this place up, Tony. It's a mess." She said.

Tony glanced up from his project and swept the room with his brown eyes, taking in the varied bottles and test tubes, strewn-about papers and misplaced tools. "Looks fine to me." He said without interest.

Pepper rolled her eyes. "God knows what bacteria are growing underneath all of this."

Tony paused for a heartbeat. "Bacteria?"

"Yes, bacteria. All sorts of microorganisms thrive in conditions like these." Pepper said, walking back up to the main level where the rest of the Avengers lived.

Tony carefully set down the tool he had in his hands and walked after Pepper. She was in the kitchen, where all the other Avengers were as well, chatting amiably. Pepper was chopping carrots. Judging from the strainer of broccoli and onions next to her, she was preparing dinner.

"Uh…what kinds of bacteria, Pepper?" Tony asked her quietly.

Pepper glanced up from her chopping and shot him an odd look. "What do you mean- wait, you're still going on about this?" she said, rather exasperated.

"About what?" Natasha asked. Tony shot her a glare but Pepper answered anyways.

"I mentioned something about bacteria growing in his messy workshop and he's been all paranoid since." Pepper said in a '_Can you believe this guy?' _kind of voice.

Clint raised his eyebrows. "You're a _germaphobe?"_ He asked disbelievingly. He then started laughing.

Tony death-glared at Clint. "I am _not _a germaphobe." He denied vehemently.

Clint shrugged as if to say, _if you say so._ "Alright then." After waiting a few moments, Clint burst out coughing violently, quickly bringing his hand up to his mouth. Tony recoiled, Pepper stopped cutting the onions, and everyone stared at him.

"Funny, Barton." Tony snapped when Clint had stopped.

"What?" Clint said innocently. "It was the onions, I swear." It was a rather acceptable justification, considering the fact his eyes were red and bright with excess tears due to the onion fumes. Truthfully, it looked like he had been sobbing.

Tony had no argument to counter this, and settled for glaring at Clint, who had a smile slowly spreading across his face. "Still, you flinched like someone poked you with a knife or something." He said, rubbing at his eyes. "You sure you're not a germaphobe?"

"Yes!" Tony barked back. Pepper sensed the tension building and sent everyone out of the kitchen. Somehow, they all accumulated in the lounge.

Natasha flipped on a show, Bruce began reading, and the rest of them watched the show. A few minutes into it, Steve sneezed. Tony flinched again, rather openly. Clint cracked up.

"Yeah, you're totally a germaphobe." He said between fits of laughter, the rest of the Avengers beginning to smirk as well. Natasha was laughing as well.

For the rest of the movie, Clint would cough dramatically in an attempt to make Tony paranoid- and it totally did. He was sitting on the edge of his seat, not wanting to leave before the movie was over, because otherwise it would prove to Clint he was indeed a germaphobe and there was no way he was giving the annoying archer that satisfaction.

Finally, the credits appeared on screen and Tony leapt up from his seat and made a beeline for his workshop. Being sure to lock the door behind him, Tony resumed his work after putting on vinyl exam gloves.

He was able work peacefully for about four minutes when a loud cough pierced the air behind him. Tony whipped around with a wrench in hand to see Clint standing with his arms crossed over his chest in a self-satisfied sort of way.

"Wh- Clint you- how did you even get in here?" Tony exclaimed. Clint said nothing but pointed up. Sure enough, above Clint was an open air vent. Leave it to Clint to use the freaking _ventilation system _as a mode of transportation.

Tony glared at the archer. "Look Katniss, not that your company is splendid and all, but could you please stop doing that?"

"Nope, I'm having way too much fun with this," Clint said. "Consider it payback for the bird pun thing."

Tony leered at the archer for another moment before walking past him and into the kitchen. Grabbing a pen, he put a barely legible line on the House Rules list taped to the fridge.

Clint followed after him, squinting at the messy handwriting. "Seriously, I don't think your handwriting could get any worse…" He said, and then added, "Dang, Buckethead. I was just getting started."


	4. Author's Note

Author's Note

I am a terrible person…once again I have neglected my wonderful readers and epic reviewers. I apologize for being MIA, and since Nano just ended really you've had no stories from me for almost a month now. I swear I will get back on a regular updating schedule as soon as I can. But I am having a seriously annoying case of writer's block right now, and I just got into a fight with a friend. So all in all, I am not exactly up for typing right now. I'm really sorry to all of you who were looking forwards to an update, but I promise that I will get back on my feet and start updating soon.

~Faye


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: Sorry about my lack of writing lately! I have totally gotten over my writer's block and I'm ready for battle! TO THE BARRICADES! Sorry…I've been listening to One Day More way too much recently. Enough of this, here's the story!

**C) Dumping spaghetti sauce on your head and speaking in a Russian accent is not a good impression of Natasha and is not funny. **

A hoard of drunk men stumbled through the elevators to the highest level of the Stark Tower- five men actually, only three of which were drunk. Natasha, who had been chatting with Pepper, glanced up. Clint was laughing with Tony and Thor, Bruce was reading a lab report, and Steve looked distinctly uncomfortable.

"'Eeyyy, Tasha," Clint slurred, stumbling over to his partner. He kissed her on the cheek, and then stared at her in total wonder. "Has your hair always been this red?"

Pepper laughed, and Natasha rolled her eyes. Tony caught Clint staring at her in absolute rapture and laughed too. "I've got a surprise for you, Katniss." Tony said, and then ran over to the kitchen, tripping a bit on the way.

Once he was safely out of hearing distance, Tony whispered to his AI, "Jarvis! I need you to get me a can of pre-made spaghetti sauce, pronto." Jarvis disappeared and came back a moment later with a can of red, artificial-looking spaghetti sauce. "Will this suffice, sir?" The AI inquired.

"Perfect, now go away." Tony whispered. He pried open the can of spaghetti sauce, and then completed his mastermind trick. He sauntered out into the sitting room, and to the amazement of all the others, he seemed to have dumped an entire can of store-bought spaghetti sauce _on his head. _

His walk was ridiculous- Tony thrust his hips out and strutted down the length of the lounge. He then turned around and said in a thick Russian accent, "I am zhe Black Vidow!"

Clint and Thor burst out laughing, and Pepper struggled to maintain a straight face. Steve placed his hand over his mouth. Natasha regarded his act casually but said nothing.

"I am so skilled, I can sneak up on Loki!" Tony exclaimed, pretending to dramatically flip his 'hair' over his shoulder, but only managed to splatter spaghetti sauce on the furniture around him. Natasha's jaw tightened slightly.

"I'd advise you not to go any further, Stark, if you want to see your precious suit again." Natasha said calmly, and Tony blanched.

"Lighten up a bit, Tasha," Clint said, and Pepper gave Natasha a '_he's-just-joking' _look.

Natasha sighed. "Fine, but I highly suggest you get out of my sight, Stark."

Tony grabbed Clint and hauled him up from the couch. The two walked off, Tony singing something that sounded suspiciously like the Barbie song.

Natasha stood up with a sigh and walked over to the refrigerator. After a few moments, she returned. "I don't think this will happen again," She said to Pepper. "Now help me plan my revenge."


	6. Chapter 6

_A/n: I'm really really REALLY sorry for putting off updates. Life has been crazy recently and I've been focused on my other stories, but I'll try to make updates for this story more frequent. _

**D) Anyone who takes Clint's bow may or may not wake up the next morning. **

Tony Stark bounded up the stairs to the main lounge room, where the rest of the Avengers were…lounging. He had an idiotic grin on his face and was holding a hockey stick bag.

"Uh, Tony, what's with the bag?" Steve asked, not really sure if he wanted to hear the answer.

Tony's maniac grin simply grew wider. "You'll see," he said and continued sprinting up the flights of steps, probably to the top floor of the Stark Tower.

"Should we be concerned?" Natasha asked Pepper, who nodded.

A few moments later, a loud stream of obscenities was audible from the stairwell. Clint Barton stormed up the stairs, looking so furious is was physically terrifying. "_Where the hell is Stark?" _he hissed.

For a moment, everyone was too shocked to move. Then, Natasha silently pointed upwards. Instead of using the stairs like a normal human being, Clint climbed into an air duct and disappeared. A minute later, the following dialogue could be heard:  
"_CALM THE HELL DOWN KATNISS!" _

_ "YOU ASSHAT, I SWEAR IF YOU TOUCH MY BOW AGAIN YOU WILL NOT WAKE UP THE NEXT MORNING YOU BATSHIT." _By now, words were being punctuated with loud thumps, most likely Tony being slammed against the floor in various painful fashions.

There was a loud yelp of pain, then a thump. Clint came back down the stairs with Tony's hockey bag over his shoulder. He walked over to the fridge and scratched something down on the rules list, then walked away without a word.

"Well…that was interesting," Bruce commented. Everyone nodded in rapt agreement.

END

Sorry for not updating! *hides behind a barricade from angry readers who expected an update like 10 days ago wielding tomatoes*


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